Let Me Go And I Will Run, I Will Not Be Silent
by ViaDownTheRabbitHole
Summary: Alec and Magnus have broken up and neither of them are coping. Clary and Alec have a little chat. If I get enough reviews, I will make it a two shot but for now a one shot. Mentions of self harm.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is a one shot about sort of brother sister bonding for Alec and Clary, I know they ain't brother and sister but I wanted to write it, if it gets good reviews I'll make it a two shot. 'Never on their own' is still on hiatus because of writers block and art course work. GCSE's are a pain in the arse. Enjoy. I know in the film Alec wears short sleeves but just pretend he doesn't.**

**Self harm is an awful thing and something I have experienced first hand. If you or anyone you know is harming yourself or their self in any way, get help but it's too late. I was lucky it was nearly out of control when I got help and I narrowly missed death, but not everyone's that lucky. **

Clary opened the door to Alec's room as quietly as she could and peered into the darkness. Looking around, she could make out a Alec sized shape asleep on the bed, good, she thought, judging from how much noise he made during the night he needed the sleep. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she texted Jace, who was waiting in his room, to say 'He's fine, asleep. I'll check in all the places I can for the blades, C xx'.

She slowly made her way across his floor in almost darkness trying not to step on anything. Unfortunately she failed, she felt something shape dig in to the corner of her foot, although it felt like a familiar shape. She bent down and felt around for whatever had hurt her. She was right, the think she had stepped on was a sketch book.

Flipping through the pages, she was shocked by what she saw. Alec was a extremely talented artist, the kind of artist a Clary wished she was. His people seemed to have lights in their eyes and a texture to their hair. She focused on who the people in the drawings were, rather than how they were drawn. On the first page was Max, when he was a toddler, the drawing was obviously from a photograph or drawn a very long time ago. She turned the next page and saw Isabelle and their Mother, Maryse. They could have passed for sisters, with them both in their Shadowhunting gear and they hair tied back in neat buns, the picture obviously not posed. The next drawing was of Jace and the next was of Clary. All the drawings after that were of Magnus, him with blue fire crackling on his fingertips, him asleep, him with no glitter and his hair flat.

'Clary, what are you doing?'.

Jumping from the noise, Clary dropped the sketch book and whirled around, Alec was sat up, having been awoken by Clary. There was purple bags under his eyes and there was a slight redness to his eyelids, his hair was a mess and his icy blue eyes with tired and sad. His clothes were rumpled and Clary imagined he stunk of sweat and tears.

'I came too see how you were, Alec. To check you were okay'.

'I'm okay, Clary', he paused he added 'Thank you' as an after thought. Clary bent down to pick up the sketch book and re-opened it.

'Do you mind? You have a real talent'. Alec shook his head, but Clary couldn't decide if he was saying no he didn't mind, or no he thought he didn't have a talent.

'Alec, I know you were lying when you said you were fine, I know your not'.

'Clary, I need to except what happened, I was the one who tried to shorten Magnus's life, I was the one who lied'.

Clary reached the end of the sketch book 'You've lost who you were, you're different now. Do you have anymore sketch books?'. Alec pulled open a draw by his bed and it was filled with art things. Watercolours, acrylic paint, oil pastels, charcoal, oil paint, paint brushes, pencils, everything. And several old and tattered sketch books.

Passing them to Clary, she opened the top one. A picture of herself was the first drawing.

'Sorry'.

Clary turned to Alec, 'What are you sorry for?'.

'Creeping you out, but you have nice eyes and I thought that it would be nice to try and draw them'.

'No ones ever wanted to draw me before. I know you hate me, but you can talk to me, I won't judge you'.

'I don't hate, I think of you as my sister now. I know I was horrible to begin with but you some how knew my weakest point'.

'I used it against you. Everyone's worried about you'.

'Magnus isn't. He won't answer any of my calls. He won't talk to me'.

Siting down next to Alec, Clary asked 'How often do you call him?'.

'About thirty times a day. He's answered once only to tell me to leave him alone'.

'He loves you, Alec. But you hurt him, badly and you need to give him time, Magnus will forgive you, in time'.

'Thank you, Clary. For trying to make me feel better. And it worked a little bit'.

Clary put her hand on Alec's arm, and tried to not notice how he flinched. 'Jace sent me in here, he wanted me to look for something for him. Blades. Why did he think you would have blades?'.

Pushing up his sleeves, Alec looked Clary in the eye 'I got bad when I was fifth teen or sixteen, it's why I never wear short sleeves, people would stare ever more than they normally do'. Clary's eyes widened with shock, Alec's lower arms were rough and textured with thick scars, thick layered scars.

'Im sorry Alec, I'm so sorry'.

'You have nothing to be sorry for'.

'We're popping out to Taki's in a hour or so. Wanna come along?'. Alec shook his head and the laid back down on his untidy bed. Clary walked towards the door, 'I'm glad we had this conversation, anything you ever want you can ask, bye Alec'.

**And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand.  
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on.**

**I wasn't really sure about how I should end this but hey ho. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm really happy with the response the first chapter got so I decided to carry on with it. I got my result back from one of my English GCSE exams back today and I was one mark of an A* which really annoyed me. But I guess next time I can improve. I don't own anything and I hope you enjoy.**

Clary left the room, pulling the door closed behind her. Siting up in bed, Alec thought about something. He stood up and went into his bathroom and took a shower. Using any scent apart from sandalwood, he tried to avoid looking at his arms but he did. Remembering Magnus kissing the scars on his skin, the scars that reflected the pain he felt inside on the outside, he started to cry. He forced himself to be strong and exited the shower. Pulling on clean clothes, he ran a brush through his hair and pulled on his battered blue chucks and left his room. He walked slowly down the stairs and nearly walked into Clary.

'Alec, you okay? You hungry?' Clary sounded surprised to see Alec up and out of his room.

"Are you still goin' Taki's?".

'Yeah'.

'Can I go?'. Clary gave him a look that said, 'do you even need to ask?'. Alec smiled and held out his arm for Clary to take and she wrapped her arm around his as they walked to where Izzy, Jace and Simon were.

They left for Taki's and got there soon after, they all ordered burgers, fries and diet coke.

Maryse Lightwood paced around the institute looking for her iPhone and by default Magnus' number. After finding her phone wedged between the sofa cushions, no doubt it was Jace's fault it was there, she scrolled through her contacts to find the one she was looking for. Magnus.

Dialling the number, she only had to wait a few moments before Magnus' voice, which normally sounded musical but now sounded dry and tired, sounded from the other end of the phone.

'Hello?'.

'Hi, Magnus, it's Maryse, Maryse Lightwood'.

'I know, I have caller ID, what you want?'.

'Alec isn't coping, he has told me everything, and I mean everything. I'm worried about him, and from the sound of your voice, you aren't coping either!'.

'Is he in immediate danger?'.

'No, but..'.

Magnus cut Maryse off, 'If he ain't in immediate danger, I don't care. Bye'.

She was furious, throwing her phone across the room, she yelled, 'Fucking warlock'.

Grabbing her ivory trench coat from the coat racks in the hall way, she exited the institute and made her way too Brooklyn, cursing the warlock and her wretched son as she went.

They left Taki's just after six and walked slowly back to the institute, swinging by Simon's place as they went. When they got back to the institute, Clary expected Alec to disappear back into his room but he didn't, he stayed with Isabelle, Jace and Clary and sat down with them to watch the 'Batman' trilogy.

Maryse was clearly angered when she re entered the institute at nearly midnight after talking with Magnus for a good four hours and a half. Calling out for Alec, she slammed around in the kitchen making coffee.

'Alec, get down hear now!'. When she heard no answer after calling him several times, she put more anger into her voice.

'ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD! GET DOWN HERE NOW!'. Light footsteps sounded on the stairs and seconds later Alec slinked into the large kitchen, she turned and glared at him.

'I though you said you told me everything, Alec'.

The future's open wide, beyond believing.  
To know why, hope dies.

I'm just putting random Trading Yesterday lyrics at the end

**Well I hope you enjoyed that I started it a few days after the first chapter but with English, German and Maths exams and choreographing dances for my schools' production of 'Grease!' It's gotten super crazy.**

**I would like to start and series of one shots from one word prompts, so maybe some nice people could review and give my a few suggestions. Pretty please.**


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